dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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