Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
