I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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