Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
