the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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