That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
