I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
