Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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