Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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