why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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