How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
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