He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
