Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
