I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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