i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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