i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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