So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
it glows. i had to have it.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
