A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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