Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Randomize
