Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
