I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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