Nicole vs. Life
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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