Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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