if i can run in heels then i can drive
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
