Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
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