Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize