there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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