Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
