exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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