woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I woke up under a house in Key West
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
