I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
