If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize