Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
