I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
