Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
