Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
