But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
