i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
