So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I intend to get homeless drunk
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
