69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
