I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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