Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
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