i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize