That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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