dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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