the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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