What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
