You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
