Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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