guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
