I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
This toilet bowl is my home.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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