Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
