I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
