she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
