it wasn't lemon gatorade
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
