did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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