he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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