I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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