I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
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