I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
