My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
