Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
