im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I forget how to act sober
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
