he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
When are your genitals available?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
