Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
